The Perils of Thinking Too Much

I think too much. In fact, I terrorize myself. I can talk myself into and out of anything. I can recite the pros and cons of virtually any situation. Seriously....give me a situation. Don't ask me to take sides because I can't - I don't know how. Perhaps it's because of the Catholic school girl diplomacy ingrained in me or maybe it's because I'm just too darn diplomatic. I fault my counselor training for that one.


You know, I really want to think that I'm a laid-back person, but I'm not. I may look like I'm calm and living in the moment, but it's all an unfortunate, unintentional facade. And it kills me. I'm so in tune with the Bohemian vibe, but there's too much noise going on inside my head to relax and really feel it. No, I'm not schizophrenic (but I have explored that possibility).


I'm the only person I know that can completely and utterly exhaust herself just by sitting in an empty, quiet room. Once I come out of my daydream or obsession-of-the-moment, I'm almost out of breath because of all the conversations and comments from the peanut gallery going on inside my head. No, I don't hear voices....I create them. That's why I have to listen to music while I'm at work. If I don't, I'll talk myself in and out of a job, reciting the pros and cons of being a working mom, all the while picturing horrible things happening to my kids while I'm cooped up in an office, imagining horrible things happening to them.


I give up. I surrender to the noise. What's going on inside YOUR head?